but you don't mean
7th birthday, oh what a joy.
a box of 24 crayons, given to a boy.
a box of paper, not to thin or thick
a ..2 lead, his new writing stick.
a freshly drawn sun on the top upper left
orange rays of sunlight drawn with perfect deft.
and his mother applauded as if all hearts could hear
her son, oh loving pride, lived life so sincere
little tyler gazed up but the stars seemed to fade
too bad, years later,his crayon turned to a blade
and at night he would cry because that sun would never shine
tyler was nothing, so all he wrote was just an empty line.
his box of 24 turned to a pack of cigarettes
he'd stare at the sky, watching endless sunsets
yet somehow when the day was all done and gone
his picture of that sun, was like the drug he was on.
name-less was he, for he forgot to write his name
lost all his crayons, now his blade is his shame.
lifelessness of his happiness killed mother's pride & joy.
My theory is that the world is just an illusion. I believe that the world doesn’t exist, because we the people make up what is the “world”. We make up love, happiness, sorrow, pain, and death. We make up these illusions, these false images, these unrecognizable emotions that make up the atmosphere. If you cut me, I bleed. I see blood, but I have the power to not feel it. I have the power to live as if this interruption is just imagery. I have the power to mend a broken heart that has been broken by feelings not wanted. But why does it seem like none of us have the power to heal such simple things, such hurtful emotions? Why does it seem like the world revolves around this constant need of money and greed. The slaughter of lives and animals increasing each day, just to satisfy the people. And what about religion? What about the faith in the Lord almighty? I have questioned my faith so many times, that I believe that God must be tired of me. He must feel powerless to help me believe, and I feel ashamed of myself. I have cried over moments in which now reflecting on them- I see as wasted tears. I try to meditate to somewhat refresh my memory of such unwanted desires, of such unneeded feelings. My faith in the worldwide belief in God is so old and so torn, that I do not believe that I deserve a second chance to be a catholic.
I wonder how it feels to be skinny. You know “skinny” as in not having to stare in the mirror for a good 40 minutes deciding whether or not your jeans look nice. Or having to actually say and mean, “I just threw these clothes on 5 minutes before I left my house”
I really wish I could go back in time and somehow stop myself from ingesting all those French fries and pizza bagels. I just wish I could have made myself look in the mirror and exercised for 30 minutes each day. Oh how I regret those things I did. But what is regret? But a simple feeling of pity and pain that we put upon ourselves each and everyday. Regret is the everlasting thought that you made a mistake and cannot do anything in your power to fix it. I, Megan Eberhardt hold in so much regret and sorrow, that I’ve become accustomed to the lifestyle that I live everyday.
First let me say, that I am no hero, I am not a great writer; but I can promise that I do speak from the heart. And I believe that no matter what type of person you are, if you just believe in your heart then you are the greatest person in the world. Please mind some of the things I say, they might seem “lame” and “stupid” but it’s all from my heart, kids.
Well let’s start from when I was in about kindergarden; I met my best friend that year.
I met Merari. Merari was probably one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met in my life so far. She was the type of person who didn’t care about what was new in the clothing styles, or who were the popular people. She only cared about having fun; she only cared about our friendship. It’s pretty funny, how I sit here at my desk sometimes and just think of her. And how it’s very sad to know that no matter how long I’ve been missing her, I’ll probably never see her again. Now Merari was like no one else, she made me feel like: I WAS THE LEADER OF OUR GROUP! That made me happy, of course –it would make anyone happy also. We spent our days kidding around with each other and just appreciating the little things we had to offer. I can truly say with all my heart, that she was my real best friend. Of course, now I have many best friends whom I care about a lot, but I’ve also lost friends who I considered the best. Merari left me and our friendship with no hatred, no drama, just sorrow. For our friendship was like the wind, breezy and beautiful, but like a flash of lightening- it was gone. Merari is the reason for why I am so creative, and why I appreciate simple things. I don’t need a lot of money to have fun, and I certainly don’t need to expect great gifts from friends for special occasions. The only thing I look for in every friendship I have with anyone, is what Merari offered me; she offered me pure happiness. Merari moved in 6th grade, our 6year friendship died the day she left
Do I walk alone in these dark hallways?
Do my feet trip over every little step
Or must I bare this broken hearted sonnet
Till my heart has finally wept.
My words, they stab like razor nails
My tongue it burns so much
For my pity of loving you is so self-reassured
My hands linger for your touch.
The sun it shines but only for you
And the moon, it sparkles in the sea
For my love is so unbelievably false
That my heart screams for it to be free
Can it be that I hate myself so much?
That I cannot bear to look at your eyes
For the crystal blue it reflects my life
That my heart cant silence its cries
I dare not to punish myself in an act of self pity
But am I wrong for wanting to die?
For why live this lonely life on some darkened road
When all I have left to say is goodbye
You do not see me the way I see you
And you never will
For my heart is surly about to burst
From your aim to flirt then kill
The skies they burn of amber colors
And the trees, they weep of sorrow
But what is the point in smiling to the clouds
When my eyes do not wish to see tomorrow
I have loved you with all my heart
Even though you do not feel the same way
My footsteps they fade like the dust on the floor
And you know that I would take you back, any day.
My heart it breaks every single second
And my words –they fall apart
Your absence it stains me against the glass
When all you’re done is steal my heart
Lover if you do not wish to see me again
If you feel like I am not good
Then it’s understandable of you to keep me away
It’s not like anyone else would.
-Megan eberhardt. 2:01 am